my apologies if some of this is disturbing to you. i just have a need to vent and be dark currently
Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.
My biology teacher dressed up as elmo for the last day because she’s retiring and seriously gives zero fucks
I PROMISED HER SHE WOULD BE TUMBLR FAMOUS COME ON PEOPLE
and as tumblr users we promise she will be
Must do my part.
I love teachers like this
EVERY SINGLE EASTER MY MOTHER HIDES A THREE POUND EASTER EGG IN THE HOUSE AND SETS MY BROTHERS AND I OFF TO GO FIND IT AND GUESS WHO GOT IT FOR THE FOURTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR IN A ROW
NOT THOSE LIL BITCHES
“It’s so crappy”
“It’s just a kids game”
“It’s just blocks”
“What can you do with blocks?”
Minecraft: It’s a stupid kids game with just blocks. Nobody can do anything with blocks.
and then there is me
Gosh some of these are breath-takingly expansive
The Blue Dragon (Glaucus atlanticus), one of the world’s rarest and most beautiful mollusks
that’s an alien, that’s an alien dragon baby. that’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen
YES FINALLY BACK ON MY DASH I LOVE THIS LIL FUCKER. LOOK AT IT
ohy my fucking god i finally know how my patronus looks like
So of course I read up on it. It’s even more beautiful when it’s in the water, not collapsed like it is on the original pic. It also freakin’ eats Portuguese Man o’Wars. They are also hermaphroditic because, damn, they so pretty, no way are they gonna hit anything but theyselves.
This really is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
TODAY, WE ARE CANCELING THE APOCALYPSE!!!